Not Good Enough
by vapiddreamscape
Summary: Choices. They can make or break us. One choice can completely change the direction a life goes in. A single decision can lead to salvation or ruin. A look at the choice Peter Pettigrew made when he gave up his friends.


_I've recently become interested in looking at the way our choices affect our lives and have started thinking about how a single choice can change a life forever. This train of thought immediately led me to thinking about the characters in Harry Potter and the decisions they have made. _

_This will be the first of a series of one shots dealing with life changing choices of some of our favorite (and least favorite) Harry Potter characters. This first one shot deals with Peter Pettigrew and his decision to give up Lily and James, some of his best friends._

* * *

Not Good Enough

He stood before Voldemort and he was afraid. Fear wasn't an unfamiliar emotion for him. In fact, fear and Peter Pettigrew happened to be old friends. He had been afraid when he first got his letter to Hogwarts, scared to death he would never be good enough, as his father had always told him. He had been afraid when he befriended Sirius, James, and Remus, always wondering if they would realize he wasn't good enough. He been scared when they discovered Remus' secret. His first transformation into rat almost had him throwing up with fear.

Yet that all paled in comparison to this moment. Standing before Voldemort, he was quaking in his boots. Peter thought it was almost as if he was standing in front of Death himself. That description almost fits though, due to the fact that this moment would either lead to his death or continued life. All he had to do was give up the location of one of his best friends.

"Where are they?" Voldemort asked, slowly becoming impatient.

Peter opened his mouth to answer, but he hesitated. How easy it would be to do this, to give up James and Lily and continue living. He had already been serving Voldemort for a long while. But this was more than just spying. Telling Voldemort where are would directly lead to their deaths. Peter knew his master would kill them. There was no doubting that. Voldemort wasn't the type to leave survivors.

Merlin, it would have been so much easier if Lily and James had chosen Sirius or even Dumbledore to be their Secret-Keeper. But no, they just had to pick him. They were not making his life any easier. Now, he had to choose; it was either his life or the lives of his friends. The choice should have been easy. He was a Gryffindor and Gryffindors were loyal. They didn't sell out their friends. They stood tall and faced death with a head held high. But Peter knew in his heart he wasn't a true Gryffindor.

Peter thought back to something his good for nothing father had told him when he was a young child, after Peter had been attacked on a playground after standing up for a little child who was being antagonized by some older children. "The weak do not survive unless they band together with the strong. You are weak, Peter. You must side with the strongest team or you will not survive."

That's what Peter had done when agreeing to spy for Voldemort in the first place. He sided with the strongest force he knew of, the Death Eaters. They were the ones who would protect him, so as long as they didn't kill him first. They were the strongest, because unlike the Order, they weren't bothered by those pesky things known as morals. Death Eaters wouldn't hesitate when betraying their friends. So why was he?

"Where are they, Pettigrew?"

He took a deep breath and let it all out in rush, afraid if he didn't he would . "Godric's Hollow. Lily and James are living in Godric's Hollow."

Voldemort smiled and that in itself was scarier than anything Peter had ever seen in his life. "Thank you, Pettigrew. You shall be rewarded handsomely for this."

As Voldemort walked away, Peter stared at his retreating back. After he turned the corner, Peter slumped against the wall. He buried his head in his hands. "What have I just done?" he whispered, almost inaudibly.

Tears started running down his cheeks, hot and fast. He had just signed off on the death of two of his best friends in the world. Why couldn't they have picked someone else? Anyone else? Why him? Didn't they realize he was weak? Didn't they realize that he was not the Gryffindor they believed him to be? Why didn't they see he wasn't good enough?

The words his father had spoken to him long ago rang through his head as he stood, shaky on his feet. _"You'll never be good enough."_ Peter took a deep breath and brushed the dust off his clothes. He shook his head, trying to dislodge the words from where they had taken up residence inside his skull. It didn't work now.

_"You'll never be good enough."_ He had already sold out his friends, sold his soul to Lord Voldemort. It was time to join him wholeheartedly, move forward and never look back.

_"You'll never be good enough."_ He now knew that to be true. Peter Pettigrew was a rat, nothing more than vermin. He would never be good enough, no matter how hard he tried.

So, if you'll never be good enough, why not be evil?

* * *

_ This is my look into the twisted mind Peter Pettigrew. I hope I did him justice. Tell me what you liked, what you didn't, what was wrong with it, anything really._

_ I do have a few ideas for the next chapters but if you have any suggestions as to whom you think should do next, just tell me. It can be anyone, good or evil, well-known or obscure. Just tell me what character you were thinking of and/or the decision they have to make. Any suggestions given will be greatly appreciated._


End file.
